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Is the risk worth the sexy reward? Only you and your bf can answer that. Riefer August 15, , am. Dan Savage has already replied to this question before.

Katie August 15, , pm. Just do it! Addie Pray August 15, , am. I have no clue — I have enough trouble finding myself a twosome! Welcome back! I have a theory that she and Spaceboy ran off together.

Probably off living life to the fullest, having relations, making memories, and planning for the future… Those fuckers. The beauty of having a bad name for hipsters is that no one — and especially fucksters themselves — identifies themselves as a hipster.

I have spent so much time this morning thinking about hipsters and fucksters. Moneypenny August 15, , pm. Fabelle August 15, , am.

I understand the urge to find a complete stranger for fun times especially in your situation, what seems to be a serious, long-term relationship.

If you have an attractive friend who you both know to be experimental, just go for it. They might! It is not an approach that works with me, but it could work with some!

Sorry how extremely long my response was, but I hope something in here helps! This is a possibility, though. Bossy Italian Wife August 15, , am.

I think detailing things out gets a little tedious. Just something for the LW to keep in mind though! And as for the awkward dinner party thing— I mean, I guess?

At least in my experience! FossilChick August 15, , am. In my opinion, the best option is an acquaintance — someone you both know but that neither of you are particularly close to where an important friendship could be damaged, like last time.

It takes a very confident person to be the third when the other two are an established couple. So you need to vet that person, either through knowing them or by chatting online in the case of a stranger.

Lynn August 15, , am. Amber August 15, , am. The good news is that there is an STD database you can access to help you with your decision.

Go to Craigslist, click on your city, then click on Casual Encounters. It seems to me like a stranger is the best way to go.

You just have to take it slow. Meet them in a public place so you can vet them and get a sense for their personality. I would imagine meeting someone in more of a low key setting could help put your mind at ease.

My husband and I are in a non-monogamous relationship and enjoy things like what you are looking for and generally look for women for this type of situation.

You can use craigslist, but that has always been creepy to me. My best advice to you is to get involved in the fetish community to find people like this.

They have families and feelings, too. My husband and I joined fetlife. We regularly see people posting ads for the kind of thing you are looking for that include all sorts of requirements the third person must meet.

Feel free to ask me more questions, if you have them. It can be really awkward or not depending on your level of confidence, but feeling awkward is never a good reason not to have this talk with potential partners.

MsMisery August 15, , pm. LW — if you live in a larger city there are probably some dating websites for this type of thing, there might even be some social clubs which share you interest.

Maybe searching through that first would help you find a nice stable partner that knows what they are in for. I imagine if you go through the dating site you can request that all parties involved take an STI test before the sexy-fun times begin.

If these options are not available, you can look within your friend circle, but I would try to find someone that has experience.

After all, you and your BF are still new to the whole process so having another novice join in might end in bad feelings like your previous encounter.

My recommendation would be to start hitting up swingers clubs. Everyone is pretty much open to the same sorts of things, you can be very picky about who you pick up you can just pick up the female half of a couple, I think and you have the opportunity to get to know people before you take them home.

You guys need to try going somewhere specifically for swinger, like yourselves. Hedonism resorts is one such place.

And yes, you need to steer clear of bringing in people you know for your third party; that is just waaaay too complicated. Another technique people use when picking up a third party is this: say you are out somewhere and you spot someone who you are both interested in.

Strike up a conversation and then after you have established a bit of relationship with them, ask them if they would like to accompany you and your boyfriend to a strip club.

If they bite, take em to the strip club. After the strip club, you ask them if they want to come home with you. Just a word of caution: these things can get complicated fast.

So I hope you and your boyfriend have pre-established rule for what is acceptable and what is not. For instance, will you sleep with one person more than once?

What number of times is acceptable to take a person into your bed before you start developing feelings either on your part or your boyfriends?

What happens if one of you finds someone on your own and brings them in… how does that work? And please, always use protection.

I would also suggest that both yourself and your boyfriend have STD tests and share that with your partners you are bringing in so that they are also confident of your bill of health.

Sex is fun, and can be enjoyed all different ways—but remember to have open communication because before you know it, you can be in deep water without a life preserver!

Stop focusing on it! Just go about your lives and be open to it and opportunities will present themselves. Go to parties, out to the bar- to have fun, not necessarily to hook up and if you are confident and easy-going then some girl will start flirting with you, or the two of you.

Threesomes are way better when they come naturally instead of a forced arrangement. Could this be an ongoing thing? Would you be open to dating a third person?

Swinging, perhaps? Be patient and get to know people before you jump in bed with them.

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They have families and feelings, too. My husband and I joined fetlife. We regularly see people posting ads for the kind of thing you are looking for that include all sorts of requirements the third person must meet.

Feel free to ask me more questions, if you have them. It can be really awkward or not depending on your level of confidence, but feeling awkward is never a good reason not to have this talk with potential partners.

MsMisery August 15, , pm. LW — if you live in a larger city there are probably some dating websites for this type of thing, there might even be some social clubs which share you interest.

Maybe searching through that first would help you find a nice stable partner that knows what they are in for. I imagine if you go through the dating site you can request that all parties involved take an STI test before the sexy-fun times begin.

If these options are not available, you can look within your friend circle, but I would try to find someone that has experience. After all, you and your BF are still new to the whole process so having another novice join in might end in bad feelings like your previous encounter.

My recommendation would be to start hitting up swingers clubs. Everyone is pretty much open to the same sorts of things, you can be very picky about who you pick up you can just pick up the female half of a couple, I think and you have the opportunity to get to know people before you take them home.

You guys need to try going somewhere specifically for swinger, like yourselves. Hedonism resorts is one such place. And yes, you need to steer clear of bringing in people you know for your third party; that is just waaaay too complicated.

Another technique people use when picking up a third party is this: say you are out somewhere and you spot someone who you are both interested in.

Strike up a conversation and then after you have established a bit of relationship with them, ask them if they would like to accompany you and your boyfriend to a strip club.

If they bite, take em to the strip club. After the strip club, you ask them if they want to come home with you. Just a word of caution: these things can get complicated fast.

So I hope you and your boyfriend have pre-established rule for what is acceptable and what is not.

For instance, will you sleep with one person more than once? What number of times is acceptable to take a person into your bed before you start developing feelings either on your part or your boyfriends?

What happens if one of you finds someone on your own and brings them in… how does that work? And please, always use protection.

I would also suggest that both yourself and your boyfriend have STD tests and share that with your partners you are bringing in so that they are also confident of your bill of health.

Sex is fun, and can be enjoyed all different ways—but remember to have open communication because before you know it, you can be in deep water without a life preserver!

Stop focusing on it! Just go about your lives and be open to it and opportunities will present themselves. Go to parties, out to the bar- to have fun, not necessarily to hook up and if you are confident and easy-going then some girl will start flirting with you, or the two of you.

Threesomes are way better when they come naturally instead of a forced arrangement. Could this be an ongoing thing? Would you be open to dating a third person?

Swinging, perhaps? Be patient and get to know people before you jump in bed with them. So is jumping into bed with someone mentally unstable.

Take your time. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck! Threesomes or moresomes are awesome for the right people! Savage this question 2.

As the hosting couple it is your responsibility. Then, maybe have a conversation about expectations, safety, ect. Then maybe another hangout or two.

If you meet up in the middle of a day, this works better. Emma August 15, , pm. True, about the hearing from them the next day.

KKZ August 15, , pm. Good point was made above about asking acquaintances and word getting around. My husband and I have fooled around with acquaintances and friends in the past; we are both bisexual so threesomes are one way that we can satisfy the parts of our sexuality outside of our hetero sex life.

Around the same time we were doing this, he was also getting into photography as a hobby, so we were soliciting friends and acquaintances and random people on my college campus to model for him.

Well, word got around about our bedroom habits, and eventually some of the friends we asked to model for him got the idea that we were really propositioning them, or worse, were going to trick them by turning a photo shoot into sexytimes.

I was shocked when this got back to me — we had never gotten physically involved with any of our models, but people made the connection anyway, and before I knew it we were Creepers.

Partially out of respect for our friends, partially out of fear of the consequences to the relationships. Sex with others is fun but not worth sabotaging a friendship over.

I mean, how many single people are out at clubs and open to being brought home by a married couple? In a society where hetero monogamy is the norm, straying outside of that model is tricky!

I think Fabelle and Zombeyonce above gave some great tips that are a bit more concrete than mine. Best of luck! AKchic August 15, , pm. Okay, your friend said she was up for what was coming, and then had a hard time with it.

Expand your search radius. Be prepared to interview. Everyone needs STD checks prior to the actual event, and protection must be used.

My boyfriend and I are in an open relationship, where we enjoy sex with others either together or alone. Luckily, most of my close friends are people open to that sort of thing.

Either way, there are precautions you can take when meeting strangers. You should ask to meet them in a public place, first, even a few times, to see if you guys click.

Another option, which you might like better, is fetlife. You can search people in your area, and most people have their interests listed on their pages.

You could even make a joint profile. As far as propositioning people offline, it gets tricky. August 15, , pm. Find someone you two both like, strike up a conversation.

Schwinny August 15, , pm. How quickly did you, your BF and your friend escalate into your threesome? Instead of trying for The Threesome Experience, agree to slower increments over several hookups.

Broach the subject directly but gently. Present it as something that you've been thinking about and wondering if your partner would be willing to discuss it.

Tell your partner your reasons for wanting to introduce a third person and offer the reassurance of your love and continued commitment to the existing relationship.

If, at this stage, your partner needs time to think about it, reassure them that they can take as much time as they need, and continue the conversation another day.

If your partner is opposed to the idea of introducing a third person into your relationship, you need to think about what your priorities are, and you'll have some tough decisions to make.

Will you abandon your desire to bring a third person into your relationship? And if you do, will you harbor festering resentment towards your partner?

Will your relationship suffer, and should you walk away and look for another? It may be challenging to work through these emotions without seeking the help of a trained counselor.

On the other hand, if your partner agrees just because they want to please you, then that's a red flag. Adding a third person to your relationship should be a decision that you both make because you will enjoy it or want to explore it.

If your partner is reluctant and only doing it to keep you happy, then it's not the right decision for your relationship. Group sex should be an experience that all members enjoy.

Not everyone has to enjoy the experience equally, but everyone should be in it because they want to be with both other people.

It's probably not a promising idea to choose former lovers or friends when you're seeking a third person. Former lovers come with the emotional baggage of a break-up, and it may ruin a friendship forever if it doesn't work out.

Recruiting a third person from a non-monogamy friendly online dating club, like OkCupid, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, and Match is an option that you may want to try.

However you go about selecting your third person, all three of you should have some compatibility and rapport with the other two and find them sexually attractive.

So here's what you can do to ensure that your relationship with your partner stays healthy as you introduce a third person to share.

Group sex means something different for everyone and may mean different things in different situations. You and your partner should discuss with each other what you assume, expect, or don't feel comfortable with, as well as what you would like to happen.

Once you have found the right person to join you, you should also discuss their boundaries and expectations, and let them know about yours. The same rules apply for a trio as they do for a duo: any person has the right to stop the activity at any time.

It's a good idea to have a safe word and a plan for when things get too hectic for one of the three people involved in the relationship.

The plan can include a pause for everyone to stop the sexual activity and cuddle for a while, or that the third person should leave, or that the person finding things too weird needs a little time to regroup.

Whatever the safe word and plan is, all three people need to respect and follow it. Things aren't always going to go as you plan and your feelings may not always be what you thought they would once you are in a situation.

Keep an open mind and don't reject a suggested sexual activity out of hand. It is unfamiliar territory and you need to give it a fair chance.

But it is essential to let the other two participants know if there is something that is out of bounds for you or something that you don't like or don't want to do.

Similarly, let them know if you want to try something different, or if you especially like something. In other words, communicate at all points of the process when you are getting to know a third partner and when you are interacting with them and your current partner.

We've been socialized to be territorial about our partners. We see people who so much as flirt with our significant others as a threat to ourselves.

Even when we wholeheartedly believe that monogamy is a social construct that has no place in the modern world, sub-consciously we hang on to the belief that our partner is ours and ours alone.

Therefore, it's normal to feel jealous when you see the person you're in a committed relationship with being intimate with someone else.

Acknowledge your jealousy don't blame your partner for "making you jealous. If you're unable to overcome your feelings of jealousy, you may be suffering from low self-esteem or a lack of confidence.

If you feel that you're not as attractive or as sexually skilled as the third person, it's more likely that you will be afraid that your partner prefers them to you and will leave you.

Jealousy is one of the most common problems that need to be addressed when a third person is introduced into a relationship. So common that non-monogamy support groups are on the increase in social media like Facebook.

So instead of abandoning the idea of a trio, join a polyamory support group, or find a therapist who is open-minded about non-monogamy and put in some work to achieve healthy self-esteem and self-confidence.

Source: rawpixel. Of course, if jealousy is making you unhappy and you're unable to overcome it, then you may want to revisit your decision to introduce a third person into your relationship.

Opening a relationship with a third person isn't for everybody. Monogamous sexual activity is already a complex issue; introducing a third person can be downright precarious.

But it can also be a delightful experience if you respect each other's desires and maintain open, honest communication at all times.

Introducing a third person into a relationship is a common fantasy. There are a variety of ways you can look for a third person or "guest star.

Before you look for a third person to enter your relationship, it's important to make sure that this is something you and your partner want mutually and equally.

If it isn't, this pursuit will likely cause the partner who doesn't want to introduce a third to feel jealous or hurt as well as disrespected.

Never join dating websites or apps without checking it over with your partner. If you and your partner do find a third person online, it's vital that you feel safe about meeting up in person.

Take all of the necessary precautions, such as making sure to use video chat first to confirm that you know who you're talking to and meeting up in a public place when you and your spouse or partner see them in person for the first time regardless.

Additionally, you must go over your expectations with your partner about what introducing a third person into the relationship will look like after ensuring that your relationship is stable enough to try this out.

What will their role be? Is this a one time only threesome, or do you want a recurring situation, even if it's off and on or infrequent? Is your relationship now an open relationship?

If you and your partner don't communicate preemptively, you may have a hard time moving forward.

When it comes to bringing the idea up with your spouse, use the tips in the article above and remember that, while it may be nerve-wracking or awkward at first, this is a common desire, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Use love, compassion, and respect when you talk to your partner, and be kind to the third person if you do decide to pursue a third, too.

You have to be able to say what's on your mind and talk about how you really feel when it comes to adding a third; you don't want to harbor resentment or secret feelings of envy.

Just as it's okay to want to bring it up, it's okay if this isn't something you're comfortable with, but you must be verbal when it comes to your boundaries and your feelings.

It is absolutely possible to have a relationship with three or more people involved. That said, if your relationship started out as a partnership with only two people involved, it is crucial to be very clear about what you're looking for, both with your current partner and the new person.

Is it something that you're looking to do once, and only for sexual purposes? Alternatively, are you looking to have a polyamorous relationship long term?

No matter what the answer is, having a relationship with three or more people involved is absolutely possible as long as you all communicate and are on the same page.

You and your partner must go over your personal threesome rules with each other and make sure that you're both comfortable with the ground rules you decide on.

Having clear, established threesome rules is crucial if this is something that you want to try so that you can have a positive threesome experience where all parties involved are clued in and are able to have a good time.

If you aren't sure what your ground rules for a threesome would be, have a conversation with your partner and go through any concerns that arise as you talk about the possibility of a three-way relationship.

When it comes to polyamory specifically, ground rules in a relationship are not only extremely common, but expected.

This is to ensure that you feel respected and cared for appropriately, as well as to avoid any miscommunication or unintentional hurt.

Statistics on threesomes differ from a study to study. However, recent research indicates that 10 percent of women have had a threesome.

On the other hand, 18 percent of men have had a threesome. Part of why it's so important to go over the ground rules when you're considering anything from a one-time-only threesome that's strictly intimate to an open relationship to polyamory is that everyone is different.

There can't be any assumptions.

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